A week in review

As selfish as this may be, this blog is going to be mainly about myself. Sorry...

The last two Sundays I have experienced have been vastly different.

Last Sunday, on the 13th of February, two of my friends at East Mont High School, Stephen and Grayson, were killed in an accident. I found out at about 4pm, and went over to Sam Vaughn's house to be together with the team and pray. I felt really strange the whole time. I felt distant and numb and disconnected. The next day followed suit, going through the whole day feeling numb. That night I had a fruitful conversation with a couple bros from EM about Grayson. They were his best friends, and just wanted to sit and talk a while about what had happened, but more importantly what being with him had been like. They told me about their adventures, dumb stuff they did together, and about Grayson's love for Kid Cudi. They were broken down by this, yet so honest about what life they had shared with their best friend. The conversation continued, and Vish asked me why I was different. What had changed. And I was able to answer simply. The Gospel.

We had a great talk about what transformed me from a punk to a man. Yet at the same time, I kept questioning, if I'm changed, how do I not feel anything about Steve and Gray? What was wrong with me.

I went on feeling strange till Wednesday. Empty, and wondering why I didn't feel. Then on Wednesday afternoon I was sitting in Allie's dorm, and went on Grayson's facebook page. I would call it a mistake, but it wasn't. I read what his sister had put on his wall, that she was watching their favorite tv show and wondering why he wasn't laughing with her. At this point the feelings finally came. I finally felt like I knew I was supposed to feel. I felt hurt, and sad and helpless. I felt broken. And it was good. I sat there with Allie crying, and she told me God had a plan. He would make good come from this. And that's tough to believe. It's tough to believe God is good when two kids get hit by a train. It's tough to believe that He loved them more than I can fathom. It's tough to remain faithful. But you learn about the depths of your faith in trials. You get a chance to experience new relations with your Father, that you wouldn't get other wise.

Just cause you know there's a plan doesn't make you not upset though. It comforts, in the sense that these boy's deaths aren't gonna only cause pain and division. And it gives you something to turn to when you're sitting in class and it hits you that you're never gonna drive Steve anymore. That you're never gonna be thinking of new bro names to call each other. That you're never gonna play me a tune your guitar. Steven I miss you man. You got what life was man. You understood what it was about. And as much as it hurts not having you here, you're with Jesus now. And that is more comforting than any hug or cry can ever be.

This past weekend, John, Jackson, Joe, Sam and myself went to Richmond for the Commonwealth's Young Life Committee Leader weekend. There were speakers and seminars, but the best part was getting to see people you don't get to hang out with often. Being able to be in that community is amazing,and the fellowship renews you. I feel whole again after this weekend, and the rest I experienced from my time there. It was great, and I even got a twitter account out of it...

Finally, a word of one thing that my team learned from Steven and Grayson. You don't have time. We are but a vapor. No one lives forever, and you literally aren't promised tomorrow. They were juniors in high school. Neither was even 18. If you have something you need to tell someone, tell them. If you know what Truth is, share it. Because you don't know when the last time you're gonna see someone is. I know that sounds morbid, but it's true. So don't waste time. Every second counts.

I apologize for the length of this blog, and the lack of brevity. I'll be blogging about Becca Fitz again soon, and how Jon Acuff (stuffchristianslike.net) knows her. Don't you worry.

Love,
James Harris III