4:30 AM: I don't sleep anymore. Similar to the terminator, ever since I moved to the North I find that I don't need to rest. I don't run off the same fuel that powered Arnold, but it's something close. All these fumes have chemically altered my body.
5:00 AM: I stand in front of my house and stare out across the snowy expanse. The cold wind brings what I guess could be considered a smile to my face. Such things as "happiness" and "joy" don't necessarily exist here, but it is a shadow of what smiling was like in Virginia. What a strange world it is below the Mason-Dixon line. Though I am overjoyed (or whatever the right emotion is) to be gone from there, at times... I... hmph. Nevermind.
6:30 AM: I put on my lab coat and head to the factory. I stand in perfect unison with the other Ford employees for morning inspection. Although many believe it to be gone, Fordinization of the worker is not just a history lesson, but alive and well. I am not referenced by my name, but only my number: Engineer 87206. I do not know my co-workers names, nor do I wish to. It is better this way. I begin my work on chassis design and remember the way Joe used to struggle through ESM. These feelings inside me... I can't...
9 AM: My supervisor comes over and gives me satisfactory marks for the morning. I sit in my eating pod and ingest the breakfast nutrients that are provided to keep my brain working at full capacity.
9:30: I receive a text from Samuel Jacob Bowman. My heart hurts. Today is a strange day indeed. Instead of returning to my work station, I sneak down to the bathroom and risk a text in the GroupMe app to my former roommates. A real smile comes to my face. What's happening to me?
High Noon: We are all gathered outside for a message from our President, CEO and Founder Henry Ford. Cryogenically frozen for years in his backyard tundra, he has recently been awakened and retaken the helm of his brainchild. He announces that we are going to be merging with McDonalds and Walmart in a massive merger. Something in the back of my mind makes me feel uneasy...
12:30 PM: I have been reassigned to the droid division. I am now in charge of making/commanding a battalion of battle-ready droids to invade the South. At first I am honored by this new assignment. But then the faces of all those I love in the south go through my head. Vinny, James, Big Mike, Bratwurst, Vinnie. I can't do this.
1:13 PM: I have come up with a plan. Engineer 87206 will not be the part of an evil plot to control the South under the cold northern regime. I re-engineer my battle-bots to my specifications.
1:15 PM: I work super fast. My newly programmed battalion and I break into the headquarters of the formerly cryogenically frozen Henry Ford. He and I have an intense battle of wits, play a few games of logic, sell some bluffs, and have a staring contest before I finally wrest control of Ford from him.
2:00 PM: I call all employees to the Courtyard. I introduce myself as new CEO, and then implement a smattering of new rules, including, but not limited to: Name use, Settlers of Catan Wednesdays, Chicken quesadilla Tuesdays, etc. etc.
3:00 PM: I am able to quell a rebellion of the last of Henry's followers, and start a new green energy campaign.
3:15 PM: I sit in my new office, overlooking the smiling, happy Ford employees. Part of me is thrilled, yes, but part of me is still sad. Sad because my heart and my soul belongs in the South, with the ones I love.
3:30 PM: I pick a random employee to be standing CEO while I take my leave of absence.
4:00 PM: My batallion of droids carries me to the South, where I collect my former roommates and we have a lovely dinner together at Sycamore Deli. Jimmy Fitch is performing.
8:00 PM: We sit outside the Willard house and reminisce. The droids laugh at the stories we tell about killing mice with machetes, and John breaking glass all over Sam's couch.
8:30 PM: I carry Bug into bed from the mini-ramp out back.
9:30 PM: I bid my friends farewell, and head back to the dirty tundra known as Detroit. Although I may live in the Northern Hemisphere, no longer will I be restrained by the emotionless grip that this culture tries to impose. I may be a northerner by birth, but I'm a Virginian in my heart.
10:00 PM: I fall asleep.
10:03 PM: I dream of Chud.
Beyond Blacksburg: The lives of the men who once lived in a home called Willard.
Sunday, February 23, 2014
Thursday, February 13, 2014
A Day in the Life of James Harris: Winston-Salem aka "The Dash"
7 AM: My alarm goes off. I roll over and think about getting up.
8:14 AM: My alarm goes off again. I had a feeling the first wasn't gonna work. I roll out of bed taking my favorite quilt with me. It's tattered, worn and holds my scent deep within the stitches. Sam would always insist the quilt was his, but after 3+ years of wrapping that thing around my sometimes bare body, he eventually gave up.
9:05 AM: After flexing my thighs in the mirror and throwing large chunks of meat in the crock pot for later, I head to class. I pick up flowers on the way for my professor in hopes of bumping up my course grade. Some say I'm a brown noser, I just think I'm innovative.
10:15 AM: Seminary. I pride myself in being well read in anything from Bonhoeffer to preteen vampire novels. You never know where those sermon nuggets are hiding, and one day when I'm an Air Force chaplain, a metaphor involving "Teen Wolf" may be just what I need to inspire the troops.
12:31 PM: Done with class for the day. We had some interesting discussion about the gender of God, and whether or not He(or She) actually exists. I reached into my broad literary background(see above) and made a couple fiery and well-informed arguments, but mostly spent my time blogging about my old roommates and reading Onion articles.
1:01 PM: Back home, and ready for a quick nap. I grab my quilt(again see above), and send off a few snap chats before firing up Jackson's netflix account and watching Game of Thrones as I fade in and out of sleep...
2:34 PM: I wake up just in time to head up to the high school. I'm on student staff with Young Life now, so that's pretty neat. Can't wait to pull out "Tony Salvatore Migliore the Doctor of Amore" at Valentine's day club this week.
4:34: Heading to martial arts class. Now that I'm going to be a military man, I figured its time to tap my black belt potential and get the most out of these broad shoulders. Back in the day Joe and I had a few spur of the moment wrestling matches in the old Willard kitchen. He thinks he won, just like he thinks he could beat me in Super Smash Bros. As I practice my high legs kicks and body slams in the dojo, I think of nothing but proving him wrong.
6:37 PM: Time to refuel after a solid workout. I crack open the crock pot, instagram my newest culinary masterpiece and dig in. I've become a pretty good cook these days, only lean meats and organic veggies for this guy.
8:14 AM: My alarm goes off again. I had a feeling the first wasn't gonna work. I roll out of bed taking my favorite quilt with me. It's tattered, worn and holds my scent deep within the stitches. Sam would always insist the quilt was his, but after 3+ years of wrapping that thing around my sometimes bare body, he eventually gave up.
9:05 AM: After flexing my thighs in the mirror and throwing large chunks of meat in the crock pot for later, I head to class. I pick up flowers on the way for my professor in hopes of bumping up my course grade. Some say I'm a brown noser, I just think I'm innovative.
10:15 AM: Seminary. I pride myself in being well read in anything from Bonhoeffer to preteen vampire novels. You never know where those sermon nuggets are hiding, and one day when I'm an Air Force chaplain, a metaphor involving "Teen Wolf" may be just what I need to inspire the troops.
12:31 PM: Done with class for the day. We had some interesting discussion about the gender of God, and whether or not He(or She) actually exists. I reached into my broad literary background(see above) and made a couple fiery and well-informed arguments, but mostly spent my time blogging about my old roommates and reading Onion articles.
1:01 PM: Back home, and ready for a quick nap. I grab my quilt(again see above), and send off a few snap chats before firing up Jackson's netflix account and watching Game of Thrones as I fade in and out of sleep...
2:34 PM: I wake up just in time to head up to the high school. I'm on student staff with Young Life now, so that's pretty neat. Can't wait to pull out "Tony Salvatore Migliore the Doctor of Amore" at Valentine's day club this week.
4:34: Heading to martial arts class. Now that I'm going to be a military man, I figured its time to tap my black belt potential and get the most out of these broad shoulders. Back in the day Joe and I had a few spur of the moment wrestling matches in the old Willard kitchen. He thinks he won, just like he thinks he could beat me in Super Smash Bros. As I practice my high legs kicks and body slams in the dojo, I think of nothing but proving him wrong.
6:37 PM: Time to refuel after a solid workout. I crack open the crock pot, instagram my newest culinary masterpiece and dig in. I've become a pretty good cook these days, only lean meats and organic veggies for this guy.
8:45 PM: I hop on the laptop and start my seminary reading for the night. I listen to "I and Love and You" on repeat, and wonder what Marcus Vick is doing.
11:47 PM: Practice the "Wop" for a few minutes in front of the mirror.
12:04 AM: Crawl into bed.
12:05 AM: Snore.
12:06 AM: Snore louder.
12:08 AM: Dream of Chud.
Wednesday, February 12, 2014
A Day in the Life of Jackson Strawn: Wytheville
7 AM: My eyes fly open. I hear the sound of Kimmie snoring next to me. So cute. Since getting married I've gotten more mature. No more sleeping late. No more baggie pants. I wear a suit to bed now. I get up without waking the wife and make my way towards the kitchen.
7:30 AM: Kimmie awakes to the smell of quite the smorgasbord being prepared. I do all the cooking now. I don't know what happened, but similar to a Captain Planet Planeteer, the moment that ring hit my finger I was endowed with powers. I am now able to make foods that aren't grilled cheese or Papa John's Pizza.
8:00 AM: I eat breakfast with my love.
8:15 AM: Sneak in a quick episode of Spongebob while Kimmie is getting ready.
8:47 AM: We walk down to the office together.
9:15 AM: I sit at my desk and cruise the net for a while. Send a few emails, buy some stuff off Amazon. I consider getting a new rug for our bedroom. Hmm.
9:35 AM: Decide to pass on the rug. I ponder life for a bit.
10:00 AM: Have a few meetings. One with a local celebrity who saw a UFO and might have had the Men in Black steal things from his house. I wish I was kidding. All the people I meet with check out my sweet computer with upside down stickers on it.
12 PM: I walk across the hall to Kimbo's office and we eat lunch together.
4 PM: Get home from the office and sit on the couch for a bit. Wytheville isn't the most exciting place on earth.
4:30 PM: Kimmie gets home. We sit.
5:00 PM: I make dinner; Chicken cordon bleu with grilled asparagus. (See Captain Planet ring)
6:00 PM: Kimmie and I watch a few episodes of the Bachelor on a laptop. That damn Juan Pablo is such a tease.
9:00 PM: We go hang out with the only other married couple in their twenties in 3 counties. We play scrabble.
10:00 PM: Bedtime. Kimmie and I dream of Chud.
7:30 AM: Kimmie awakes to the smell of quite the smorgasbord being prepared. I do all the cooking now. I don't know what happened, but similar to a Captain Planet Planeteer, the moment that ring hit my finger I was endowed with powers. I am now able to make foods that aren't grilled cheese or Papa John's Pizza.
8:00 AM: I eat breakfast with my love.
8:15 AM: Sneak in a quick episode of Spongebob while Kimmie is getting ready.
8:47 AM: We walk down to the office together.
9:15 AM: I sit at my desk and cruise the net for a while. Send a few emails, buy some stuff off Amazon. I consider getting a new rug for our bedroom. Hmm.
9:35 AM: Decide to pass on the rug. I ponder life for a bit.
10:00 AM: Have a few meetings. One with a local celebrity who saw a UFO and might have had the Men in Black steal things from his house. I wish I was kidding. All the people I meet with check out my sweet computer with upside down stickers on it.
12 PM: I walk across the hall to Kimbo's office and we eat lunch together.
4 PM: Get home from the office and sit on the couch for a bit. Wytheville isn't the most exciting place on earth.
4:30 PM: Kimmie gets home. We sit.
5:00 PM: I make dinner; Chicken cordon bleu with grilled asparagus. (See Captain Planet ring)
6:00 PM: Kimmie and I watch a few episodes of the Bachelor on a laptop. That damn Juan Pablo is such a tease.
9:00 PM: We go hang out with the only other married couple in their twenties in 3 counties. We play scrabble.
10:00 PM: Bedtime. Kimmie and I dream of Chud.
Saturday, February 8, 2014
A Day in the Life of Joe Danehower
9:45 AM: I awaken to light shining through a hole in my wall. Some would say "window" but they obviously haven't seen my jail cell of an apartment. There's no glass in this hole, it's just a spot where the walls don't meet correctly and I can see outside. I missed my first class entirely, so why go to any today? I decide to hit the beach instead.
10:30 AM: After cruising noise trade for a while to see if I could find some hip new indie bands, I slip on my short swim trunks and walk down to the Charleston ocean front. I sit on the sand and ponder deep questions of life. I also imagine myself being a better surfer than John, and more importantly James, and am filled with joy.
11 AM: I walk back to the apartment and slap together 4 PBJs. Food of champions.
11:15 AM: I hit the gym. It's arm and abs day, cause everyday is arm and abs day.
2 PM: Can no longer feel my arms or stomach. Go an eat 4 more PBJs.
2:30 PM: I go to the middle school cause it's letting out and kids are hopping on the bus. I just started leading Wyldlife, and unfortunately the administration doesn't realize that I am being a mentor to kids, because the resource officer just slammed me against the bus and called me a pedophile. After some quick talking and him running my ID, I get off scott free.
3 PM: I sit down and read "Hinds feet in High Places" it's the best!
4 PM: I finally head to the lab. Ughhh.
11 PM: Head home from lab. Head onto the streets of Chucktown
11:15 PM Post a few Instagrams, try some filters. Follow me @chucktownjoe
11:30 PM Get tired of the Charleston night life and head back to my apartment. I lay in my couch/bed and look up at the ceiling. Then I go eat a PBJ, and fall asleep.
11:45 PM Dream about Chud.
Wednesday, February 5, 2014
A Day in The Life of John Carr: The Married Man
7:30 AM. I hate the alarm ringing, reminds me that technically I work for the man now. I told myself I'd never give into this capitalistic system made on the backs of the little guy, but gotta keep the family together. Sleepy and Eliot Ladarius are counting on me.
8:00 AM. Getting out of the shower and dressing for work. Working for Young Life is rich in payment only if we're talking about storing up treasures in heaven. Unfortunately, it lacks a little when we're talking about payment for a first year staff associate. Luckily, I'm a master of buying stuff on Amazon for great deals. Does Stef need a new jean jacket? Yep.
8:30 AM. Get to the office and head in to see Ryder, aka my spiritual daddy. He's been there from the beginning, and it's pretty cool he's now my boss. He's gotten really into bicycling recently and refuses to wear anything but spandex when in public. It would be fine, but he's made it an office dress code, and I'm starting to sweat something awful.
10:30 AM Working.
11:30 AM Head home for lunch. I sit down outside and have a picnic with Stef. Recently, instagram has been infecting the real world. Let me explain; I no longer need filters. Nature is now shifting to fit our lifestyle. So as we had a picnic outside, to onlookers it seemed that someone had flipped an X-LO II in front of their eyes. With a slight blur around everything but us and Ladarius.
11:45 AM Ladarius requires his fur to be brushed at least three times a day. He's a high maintenance little furball, but I love him. I spend an abnormal amount of time making sure his fur shines.
3:30 PM Head to Harrisonburg High School. It's got both Young Life and Vida Joven, so I've been boning up on my spanish. #PTL for illegal downloads of Rosetta Stone!
5:00 PM I got home from work and told Steph I needed to work on some stuff in the garage. We don't have a tv or internet access in order for us to be more "intentional" with each other. It's all fine and dandy except now I can't watch surfing videos. I absentmindedly rub my hand up and down my ole surfboard "Shreddy Mac." I can almost smell the ocean and hear the waves breaking around as the white water rushes under my feet and between my toes. I do this for about 15 minutes before the moment passes.
6:00 PM I cook dinner for Steph and I. She was out doing some nannying/photographing today, so I throw on enough spaghetti for two. We light some candles, and I recite poetry to her. Mainly some Walt Whitman. Oh, what a wizard with words.
7:00 PM. Get out the paintmarker and look around the house for a good place to write a quote.
7:45 PM Stef finally wrestled the marker away. I'm being grouchy and head back to the garage to re-wax my board.
9:30 PM Stef and I do one last brushing session for Eliot.
10:00 PM We hit the hay, I look in my wife's eyes and think "God must exist, cause my wife is way out of my league."
10:04 PM Sleep. I dream of Chud.
8:00 AM. Getting out of the shower and dressing for work. Working for Young Life is rich in payment only if we're talking about storing up treasures in heaven. Unfortunately, it lacks a little when we're talking about payment for a first year staff associate. Luckily, I'm a master of buying stuff on Amazon for great deals. Does Stef need a new jean jacket? Yep.
8:30 AM. Get to the office and head in to see Ryder, aka my spiritual daddy. He's been there from the beginning, and it's pretty cool he's now my boss. He's gotten really into bicycling recently and refuses to wear anything but spandex when in public. It would be fine, but he's made it an office dress code, and I'm starting to sweat something awful.
10:30 AM Working.
11:30 AM Head home for lunch. I sit down outside and have a picnic with Stef. Recently, instagram has been infecting the real world. Let me explain; I no longer need filters. Nature is now shifting to fit our lifestyle. So as we had a picnic outside, to onlookers it seemed that someone had flipped an X-LO II in front of their eyes. With a slight blur around everything but us and Ladarius.
11:45 AM Ladarius requires his fur to be brushed at least three times a day. He's a high maintenance little furball, but I love him. I spend an abnormal amount of time making sure his fur shines.
3:30 PM Head to Harrisonburg High School. It's got both Young Life and Vida Joven, so I've been boning up on my spanish. #PTL for illegal downloads of Rosetta Stone!
5:00 PM I got home from work and told Steph I needed to work on some stuff in the garage. We don't have a tv or internet access in order for us to be more "intentional" with each other. It's all fine and dandy except now I can't watch surfing videos. I absentmindedly rub my hand up and down my ole surfboard "Shreddy Mac." I can almost smell the ocean and hear the waves breaking around as the white water rushes under my feet and between my toes. I do this for about 15 minutes before the moment passes.
6:00 PM I cook dinner for Steph and I. She was out doing some nannying/photographing today, so I throw on enough spaghetti for two. We light some candles, and I recite poetry to her. Mainly some Walt Whitman. Oh, what a wizard with words.
7:00 PM. Get out the paintmarker and look around the house for a good place to write a quote.
7:45 PM Stef finally wrestled the marker away. I'm being grouchy and head back to the garage to re-wax my board.
9:30 PM Stef and I do one last brushing session for Eliot.
10:00 PM We hit the hay, I look in my wife's eyes and think "God must exist, cause my wife is way out of my league."
10:04 PM Sleep. I dream of Chud.
Saturday, February 1, 2014
The Summit: Gone, But Not Forgotten
Per request, I was asked to update the world on the lives of the Summit girls after leaving Tech. Apparently they never made a blog, so the responsibility has to fall on my broad, strong shoulders.
We'll pick up at the last event you probably heard about, which was the great Valentine's Day Progressive Dinner of 2012. Possibly one of my best nights of college, nay my entire life, everyone was filled with joy and warm food as we trudged merrily through the town of Blacksburg from house to house. I remember fondly the way Becca laughed at everything I said, and Katie Meehan's determination. Everything after this night paled in comparison, so college went downhill from there. We all finished out school and...
CLAIRE WALDROP
Known to some as Claudia, this Richmondite headed north to the great suburbs of Washington DC where she works as a fellow in the Capitol Fellows Program, and also has a job working at Jill's House, a nonprofit in the DC metro area. She lives the party life with a young couple and their small baby, and their dog whom everyone loves, except Claire, who often attacks said puppy with a small, plastic helicopter.
KYLIE GALYEN
Side note: it took until graduation for me to realize I had been saying Kylie's last name Gaylen for 4 years. Oh well. Kylie is on Young Life staff in Vienna, VA, working primarily at Madison HS. Kylie lives with a local family in the area (Trend?) who also have a dog. Kylie however loves this dog alot more than Claire loves her dog. Kylie's recently picked up new hobbies in her post grad life, including but not limited to: Hunting, Surfing, Brazilian Jiu Jitsu, Painting, Lobbying on Capitol Hill and day dreaming.
ELIZA CRAYMER
"Crames" as very few people if anyone call her, is back in the great city of Richmond, but this time as a hipster. Working on her fitness regularly, Eliza is working as a dance teacher and will possibly be attending grad school in the near future. She lives with a girl in the city who's name escapes me (Anne? Ashley? Idk) and is continuing to do little crafty things with paint and pieces of driftwood. When asked about how she enjoyed living in Rich-city, she replied with the sign of a gang which she has recently become affiliated with, and a long slur of profanities which I will not include here. Needless to say, she's enjoying herself.
BROOKE KING
A Maryland native at heart, Brooke is living the high life in the Noke at a location called "Summit II." Here she lives with fellow former Summiter Jana "Big" Little. Still dating Alex Norton, Brooke is pursuing what may be her umpteeth degree in teaching stuff. She wants to be a psychology teacher. Or an english teacher. Let's be real, I don't have much contact with Brooke. Brooke, if you're reading this, text me and let me know you're ok.
JANA LITTLE
Jana "Big" Little is certainly doing it big at "Summit II." Still dating that ole toolbag Taylor MacDonald, Jana is in PA school at Shenendoah. Or Jefferson. Yeah, definitely Jefferson, my b Jan. Anyway, she's doing that and learning about saving lives or something equally insignificant, as well as still being an EMT. Gosh, why don't be a little more selfish Jana? Anyway, she isn't necessarily enjoying this new stage of life, because it takes her 45 minutes away from the love of her life, Taylor MacDonald (reference first paragraph). In case you didn't know, Taylor used to be super overweight as a child. Here's a pic!
Adios Amigas.
James C. Harris III
We'll pick up at the last event you probably heard about, which was the great Valentine's Day Progressive Dinner of 2012. Possibly one of my best nights of college, nay my entire life, everyone was filled with joy and warm food as we trudged merrily through the town of Blacksburg from house to house. I remember fondly the way Becca laughed at everything I said, and Katie Meehan's determination. Everything after this night paled in comparison, so college went downhill from there. We all finished out school and...
CLAIRE WALDROP
Known to some as Claudia, this Richmondite headed north to the great suburbs of Washington DC where she works as a fellow in the Capitol Fellows Program, and also has a job working at Jill's House, a nonprofit in the DC metro area. She lives the party life with a young couple and their small baby, and their dog whom everyone loves, except Claire, who often attacks said puppy with a small, plastic helicopter.
KYLIE GALYEN
Side note: it took until graduation for me to realize I had been saying Kylie's last name Gaylen for 4 years. Oh well. Kylie is on Young Life staff in Vienna, VA, working primarily at Madison HS. Kylie lives with a local family in the area (Trend?) who also have a dog. Kylie however loves this dog alot more than Claire loves her dog. Kylie's recently picked up new hobbies in her post grad life, including but not limited to: Hunting, Surfing, Brazilian Jiu Jitsu, Painting, Lobbying on Capitol Hill and day dreaming.
ELIZA CRAYMER
"Crames" as very few people if anyone call her, is back in the great city of Richmond, but this time as a hipster. Working on her fitness regularly, Eliza is working as a dance teacher and will possibly be attending grad school in the near future. She lives with a girl in the city who's name escapes me (Anne? Ashley? Idk) and is continuing to do little crafty things with paint and pieces of driftwood. When asked about how she enjoyed living in Rich-city, she replied with the sign of a gang which she has recently become affiliated with, and a long slur of profanities which I will not include here. Needless to say, she's enjoying herself.
BROOKE KING
A Maryland native at heart, Brooke is living the high life in the Noke at a location called "Summit II." Here she lives with fellow former Summiter Jana "Big" Little. Still dating Alex Norton, Brooke is pursuing what may be her umpteeth degree in teaching stuff. She wants to be a psychology teacher. Or an english teacher. Let's be real, I don't have much contact with Brooke. Brooke, if you're reading this, text me and let me know you're ok.
JANA LITTLE
Adios Amigas.
James C. Harris III
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