Saturday, April 9, 2016

2016 and Willard is Still Thriving

Wow. What a whirlwind of a year. 2016 is upon us. For like three and a half months now. The dawn of a new era, it is officially the future. In fact, we are actually past "Back to the Future" day, so who knows what is to come at this point. No one has ever creatively or imaginatively thought what life in 2016 would hold. I personally thought the world was going to end with the Mayan calendar back in 2012(?) so I live everyday by the seat of my pants at this point.

We may not know when John is finally going to get a hovering skateboard (and then have to build a hovering mini-ramp), but what we do know is what your favorite men of Willard are up to, wherever they may be.

Evan "BUG" Underwood: Everyone's favorite redneck (Sorry Norty), Evan moved out to the land of hippies and granola, California. Hitting the beach with his "Brahs" and working for the man (Apple), Evan has reached a level of zen with his work/play balance that used to be only dreamt of. (and even then, it was only dreamt of when wearing a specialized dreaming crystal).

Jackson "Zebra Pants" Strawn: Wythe County wouldn't run without Jackson Strawn. Wait...Scratch that, I meant Wythe County Young Life. Though if you think about it, technically with one less resident Wytheville, all the businesses would struggle to stay open since they are currently at minimum operational capacity with the number of people willing to live that close to the highway. So, actually, without Jackson Strawn, the county itself would fall apart. Unless Kimmie started eating his share of McDonalds, and that is both impossible and irresponsible.

Sam "Check The Number On The Whiteboard" Bowman: Mowing Grass and Making Stacks, Sam is the quintessential "Young Professional" doing cool things like going to opening day amateur baseball games, working a 9-5 job (sometimes earlier and later) and wearing Warby Parker glasses. When I last saw Sam, he had discovered a new lawn game called "Koob" and was insistent on how glorious it was.

John "Street Artist" Carr: Still hipster as sh*t, John and his wife Stef are keepin' it sleepy in the Burg. Strongly abrasive and as independent as ever, John recently got into a shouting match with an hourly employee over posted closing times, jerry-rigged a sprinkler system out of run-off from the grocery store, and hung up wine bottles around his office to make it more aesthetically pleasing.

Jeremy "The Real Engineer" Mateyk: The dirty, dirty north has taken Jeremy completely. Stranded like an iceberg drifting in the middle of the Arctic ocean, the cold clutches of the icy climate rake against his sanity. Other than that though, he is doing great, and if you're looking to buy a hardy, American-made automobile with a personal promise of satisfaction-or-your-money-back guarantee from the chassis design man himself, you should look at purchasing the 2019 Ford Explorer!

Joe "The Unknown Biker" Danehower: Joe got a girlfriend he met on Instagram, and will be my best man this summer.

James "Grunge" Harris: Nearing the completion of his final year of Divinity School, a bundle of life changes are hurtling toward me: graduation, marriage, moving, starting a job, and perhaps being a cat-father. I also managed to put back on all the weight I lost at Air Force training last summer, and will get to drop it all again in preparation for this year.

Doug "Beard" Clelland: On the AT