Every day since this blog was created, at least one of my brothers that I live with has contributed a thought- deep, funny, true, humble ( or three out of the four in my case. You can choose which three.) And it's been great. I have a sense of excitement about being able to use this blog as a way to share our fellowship and love to people who know us, and to people who accidentally come on this page when they are looking for the adventures of another house. I'm glad that the first few blogs didn't suck, and therefore now some of you are hopefully addicted to our blogging expertise.
This is the first blog I'm trying to go deep in and lets hope it goes well. I'm not the most articulate guy ever, I usually try to write with humor and not seriousness. But there are times that call for both, and my mood now is joyful to the point of seriousness if that makes sense. So I write the following with all seriousness.
Everyday when I come home, I experience a sense of pure happiness. My 7 best friends live in the Willard house. I'm able to experience love whenever I walk in the house. I'm crying as I write this, filled with love for my brothers, because that's what they are. I don't have any biological brothers, and never was able to experience what having another man my age, who cared about me, that live with me was like,and now that I have it is indescribable. As John says, Jesus holds us together, and what a glorious bond it is. I would die for any of the men I live with, and if you have never had that feeling before, I assure you it is not one pride, or being a "good christian" (I strongly hold to the point that there is no such thing as a good christian,) but of the greatest of all things, love. I love them. I look at Jackson and see someone who has a joyful heart, who quests after the Lord. I look at Doug and see a spiritual father, a man. Joe is my best friend, no matter what I screw up, we'll be able to sit together late at night, eat pb and j's and talk about what we go through. Jeremy is a gentle giant, with love in his eyes. John can be harsh, but out of love. I used to not see that. I used to think John judged me. But that's not the case. John is filled with glorious love for everyone, he has a spirit of power, not of timidity, and his love flows through. I have learned the most about John this year, and I can't imagine him not being in my life now. Sam is joyous and free. Free, Free, Free. Wild at Heart as Johnny E. would say. Evan is my brother. We know each other's hearts, we're there through the good times and the bad. I sit here at my computer, tears rolling down my face, and ask the Father why He has blessed me in this. That he is with me everyday in the lives of my amazing brothers. Brothers. God has given me brothers.
Earlier this year, I went through a tough time. It seems petty but I broke up with a girl that I thought I had been in love with. I had hurt another person, and had to walk away. It was one of the hardest things I had ever done. So I drove home, not able to see past my tears ( I do do things other than cry, I'm not a complete wuss,) and walked into my front door. Noone was there so I went and laid on my bed, bawling. Thinking that I would never find someone who could care about me again, noone who could put up with my moods, where I fall short. I thought I was alone. Then I heard Jeremy come in the house. I walked out of my room, he saw me and held me. He got the other guys, we went into my room and as I sat on the bed crying and thinking I was dying inside, they showed me life. They showed me love. They didn't talk at first, just sat there with me, through the hard stuff. Through the stuff I didn't want them to see. Through the stuff I didn't want to feel. And they loved me. We talked at the end, not much, it wasn't really needed. I think sometimes you can learn more about relationships through silence than you can with words. God tells us this, to be still and know Him. He wants our relationships to mimic ours with his, but so often I find myself talking to fill silence. I'm afraid of silence. What the other person will think. But when you can truly be still with another person, silent... You learn alot. You learn that you are brothers not just when someone is being funny, or nice, or listening, but when you can be in each others presence and know that you both feel Christ's love for each other. It's powerful. I know I'm babbling on, and what I've written may not make sense, but if I could sum up all is said with a few words it would be....
You learn about love in silence.
God shows His love for me through my brothers. And has taught me so much about Himself through them, from which I am eternally thankful.
You have grown so much James. I can't even begin to describe the difference between the boy you were two years ago, to the man you are today. Keep walking boldly, yet humbly with Jesus.
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