Stillness

It’s been too long since I last composed, so here it goes. I am as busy as every right now, but I have come to find comfort in the face of the density. I read a quote today, “In the midst of movement and chaos, keep stillness within you,” Beautiful. I have nightmares sometimes that I wake up and my college days are gone and all I have to show is a work ethic that I despise and a sheet of paper with decent grades on it. This is my worst fear. Often I am so preoccupied with school and life that I forget that I am alive. I miss being real with my friends, I miss the birds outside and I miss time glorifying my creator. What a shame. Instead of trying to be intentional with my quiet times and with taking breaks from studying, I desire these because they are all I know. My life is not my work and my work is not my life. My toil is simply something I do from time to time to keep sane, not something that I take a break from time to time to stay sane. I have every intention of laboring intently, because that is what you require, but more importantly you require me and not me when I’m not occupied. Creation begs a lovely response from each of us and I daresay dedication, no matter how steadfast, falls short every time. I will not be shaken inside, for I have a stillness that is me, for I am not what I do, for I am alive without action. I am alive, today, now. Have heart, for heart is all I am.