Tuesday, September 16, 2014

A Day in the Life of Evan Underwood; the Sportsman

5:30 AM: My alarm goes off. Generally, I sleep soundly through things like alarms or things being drawn on my body. Luckily, the sound of a white-tail buck call always awakens me with earnestness. I take my dip out and turn on the latest Iron & Wine album. I studiously unroll my yoga mat.

6 AM; After my brief yoga session, I sit down on the porch with a hot cup of coffee. I watch the birds flit beautifully through the trees. My heart soars with them as they glide on wings of gold and brown. I smile to myself as I listen to them welcome the day with a symphony of chirps and calls. I wish I could join them. Their spirits are more profound than those of my fellow human beings.

6:30 AM: I put on my steel-toed boots, knife, and hard hat. It's Thomas time.

6:35 AM: I get in my new Toyota Tacoma and briefly chastise myself for getting a vehicle not made in the US of A.

6:36 AM: I put a dip in.

7 AM: After arriving at work, I review the blueprints of our site. In a thick southern accent, I briefly assure my supervisor that the current phase of construction will be completed in time. ("10-4 chief, we'll getter done!") I take a glance at the weather report for the day. It looks like good fishing weather...

9 AM: I put a dip in.

12 PM: Driving to a nearby pond, I cast a line into the water. I contentedly munch on a sandwich of deer tenderloin. Finished with my meal, and having no luck on the water, I soothe my dry, cracked throat with an ice cold PBR. I smack my lips with satisfaction and return to the job site.

2 PM: I put a dip in.

5 PM: Bidding adieu to my coworkers ("See y'all tommora") I drive to Leland Pearson's land outside of Leesburg. I check my game cameras to see if there are any big bucks in the area. This could be my lucky year! There is a massive 4 pointer on the film. If I bag him, this will easily be the largest deer I have ever killed. I chuckle to myself at finally besting Sam Bowman in the arts of hunting. That guy is such a prick.

6 PM: On the drive home I listen to The Avett Brothers.

6:01 PM: I put a dip in.

6:30 PM: I arrive home and prepare a meal of grilled asparagus, squash, and squirrel stew. I look up and see a dove in the pine tree outside. I quickly grab my shotgun. I calm my racing heart and steady the barrel. With a quick and decisive shot, I take down my quarry. I breathe slowly through my nose. Nothing soothes me like the thrill of the hunt.

7 PM: Humming softly to myself, I delicately skin my dove. This is certainly a good sign of things to come.

8 PM: I drink a few IPAs and watch Wedding Crashers.

10 PM: I put a dip in.

10:01 PM: Crawling into bed, I snuggle up with my blankets. Almost forgetting, I take off my lucky talisman and put it quietly by my bed. I slowly drift off to sleep counting deer.

10:04 PM: I dream of Chud.

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