Still reeling from discovering that
his girlfriend, Lennay Kekua, was an cruel hoax, Manti Te’o received word earlier
today from his parents informing him that his grandmother, Anette Santiago, also never existed “I just
don’t understand how something like this could happen,” said an emotionally
battered Te’o in an interview at 5 p.m. “she just seemed so real.”
After her “death” in early September
2012, interviews with Te’o revealed the depth of their relationship. “You know
every holiday Grammie would be there, and I would get these awesome gifts from
her, and sometimes she was just as surprised as me, you know? She would play
along like she didn’t know what was in the box either! I mean she was just a
super endearing woman, whenever we would stand around and sing my traditional
family songs she would always joke and look at me with this expression like “I don’t
even know the words!”
Teo’s parents were able to shed some
light on the subject in a press conference at Notre Dame. “We just wanted him
to have a grandmother figure,” said Manti’s father Brian, “is that so much to
ask? Is it really that crazy to have hired an elderly Hawaiian woman to act as
his grandmother at various family functions? Is it really that strange that
when the said actress was diagnosed with Leukemia we just ran with it? I mean,
what were we supposed to do, she was his fake grandmother after all.”
Manti Te’o’s mother stood firmly by
her husband. “I don’t get what is so wrong with this. We went through a lot of
time and effort to make sure that he would grow up with a grandmother. You know
how much it costs to get a 70 year old woman to come to our house every
Christmas? A helluva lot more than you’re worth bub.”
After repeated attempts to contact “Annette
Santiago’s” family, we were unable to get any response.
Although some would imagine that
news like this would strain the relationship between Manti Te’o and his
parents, they are closer than ever according to Manti. “In times like this,
when you find out that important people in your life don’t actually exist,
family is the only place you can turn.” Unfortunately, at the time of this
article, Deadspin.com has reported that, in fact, three of Manti’s five sisters
are not real either.
